just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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