When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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