Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
