I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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