He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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