If that was your dad, he is hot
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
