Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
