Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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