end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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