Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
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I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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