She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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