Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
