You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
