a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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