That's intense
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Randomize
