Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
