it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My vagina is officially offended.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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