I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
