Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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