I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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