Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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