My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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