I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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