I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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