i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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