i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
