Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
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