I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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