You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
