while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just pee around me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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