Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
