I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Im part way to drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.