Texts From Last Night

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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Duck Duck Cougar?

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  (602): Duck Duck Cougar? http://tfl.nu/gtca
  Replies (2) Good night (2733) Bad night (553)
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  (510): View more from California

  you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.

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  (510): you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks. http://tfl.nu/dlzp
  Replies (6) Good night (2597) Bad night (551)
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  (353): View more from

  When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head

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  (353): When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head http://tfl.nu/g0x9
  Replies (14) Good night (1689) Bad night (3134)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.

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  (856): It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle. http://tfl.nu/cqa0
  Replies (4) Good night (1397) Bad night (3098)
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  (925): View more from California

  I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't

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  (925): I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't http://tfl.nu/i8hu
  Replies (29) Good night (6059) Bad night (1205)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.

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  (902): Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know. http://tfl.nu/6wh4
  Replies (10) Good night (3226) Bad night (1062)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.

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  (215): Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options. http://tfl.nu/xie6
  Replies (4) Good night (2333) Bad night (738)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.

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  (503): I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop. (1-503): My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins. http://tfl.nu/dck1
  Replies (11) Good night (4938) Bad night (1175)
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  (348): View more from

  Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...

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  (348): Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment... http://tfl.nu/ldjn
  Replies (5) Good night (2818) Bad night (955)
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  (760): View more from California

  She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.

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  (760): She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks. http://tfl.nu/z0r2
  Replies (22) Good night (709) Bad night (3206)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.

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  (907): i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet. http://tfl.nu/l2j7
  Replies (5) Good night (1603) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men

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  (541): I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men http://tfl.nu/fivt
  Replies (14) Good night (932) Bad night (1820)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD

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  (513): OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD http://tfl.nu/fbed
  Replies (14) Good night (1147) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."

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  (515): My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches." http://tfl.nu/3hga
  Replies (7) Good night (1867) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors

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  (250): Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors http://tfl.nu/eym3
  Replies (1) Good night (449) Bad night (260)

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