the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
