Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius

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  (203): You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius http://tfl.nu/w3wu
  Replies (32) Good night (12743) Bad night (853)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how

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  (651): Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how http://tfl.nu/5k4d
  Replies (43) Good night (1287) Bad night (4167)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"

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  (240): Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug" http://tfl.nu/c6tu
  Replies (22) Good night (5837) Bad night (1031)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back

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  (203): Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back http://tfl.nu/t7ho
  Replies (63) Good night (2228) Bad night (4057)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.

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  (304): He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect. http://tfl.nu/54k7
  Replies (15) Good night (5966) Bad night (933)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.

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  (507): So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver. http://tfl.nu/b2sj
  Replies (3) Good night (1272) Bad night (669)
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  (415): View more from California

  Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon

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  (415): Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon http://tfl.nu/mt9v
  Replies (2) Good night (622) Bad night (1129)
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  (589): View more from

  This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.

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  (589): This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing. http://tfl.nu/5sq0
  Replies (3) Good night (1143) Bad night (400)
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  (909): View more from California

  You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?

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  (909): You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail? http://tfl.nu/0cec
  Replies (2) Good night (917) Bad night (566)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.

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  (414): He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married. http://tfl.nu/rsec
  Replies (7) Good night (712) Bad night (909)
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  (925): View more from California

  We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.

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  (925): We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act. http://tfl.nu/ttjq
  Replies (3) Good night (1577) Bad night (496)
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  (858): View more from California

  We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?

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  (858): We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship? http://tfl.nu/s6j9
  Replies (7) Good night (1046) Bad night (329)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open

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  (406): I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open http://tfl.nu/p54l
  Replies (2) Good night (533) Bad night (278)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.

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  (908): In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema. http://tfl.nu/b0rd
  Replies (2) Good night (372) Bad night (556)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am

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  (647): The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am http://tfl.nu/2wd6
  Replies (0) Good night (365) Bad night (240)

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