Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?

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  (650): Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards? http://tfl.nu/fenr
  Replies (9) Good night (1832) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!

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  (630): My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea! http://tfl.nu/pudz
  Replies (5) Good night (767) Bad night (1242)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;

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  (216): For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan; http://tfl.nu/zp6w
  Replies (82) Good night (774) Bad night (4296)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!

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  (315): if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all! http://tfl.nu/te8n
  Replies (15) Good night (4479) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.

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  (502): You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down. http://tfl.nu/88lm
  Replies (4) Good night (970) Bad night (2129)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.

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  (718): you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke. http://tfl.nu/vku6
  Replies (13) Good night (2885) Bad night (1126)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"

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  (847): I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies" http://tfl.nu/cpcz
  Replies (7) Good night (2997) Bad night (1011)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.

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  (301): so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq. http://tfl.nu/u32g
  Replies (7) Good night (882) Bad night (1505)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?

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  (405): All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask? http://tfl.nu/wsyz
  Replies (12) Good night (2293) Bad night (527)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.

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  (251): I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either. http://tfl.nu/mrji
  Replies (6) Good night (1259) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.

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  (415): Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me. http://tfl.nu/brt4
  Replies (5) Good night (974) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.

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  (224): I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog. http://tfl.nu/7iet
  Replies (0) Good night (574) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still

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  (408): i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still http://tfl.nu/f9lt
  Replies (3) Good night (248) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural

  (407): View more from Florida

  YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT

  (239): View more from Florida

  ..........

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  (239): I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural (407): YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT (239): .......... http://tfl.nu/j8fw
  Replies (8) Good night (1410) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before

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  (407): You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before http://tfl.nu/cygr
  Replies (15) Good night (366) Bad night (962)

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