are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
