I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.