If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain