Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

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  (773): I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you. http://tfl.nu/kzww
  Replies (25) Good night (1101) Bad night (3013)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

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  (608): Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. http://tfl.nu/iq87
  Replies (19) Good night (5296) Bad night (685)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt

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  (708): I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt http://tfl.nu/chxg
  Replies (33) Good night (1314) Bad night (3403)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.

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  (216): my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win. http://tfl.nu/rx98
  Replies (15) Good night (3592) Bad night (1580)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together

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  (480): I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together http://tfl.nu/zzdp
  Replies (50) Good night (3737) Bad night (5519)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.

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  (630): Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night. http://tfl.nu/wu2q
  Replies (20) Good night (1262) Bad night (5551)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work

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  (443): We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work http://tfl.nu/ryiy
  Replies (11) Good night (2187) Bad night (1063)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.

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  (+44): We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies. http://tfl.nu/dl0c
  Replies (5) Good night (1343) Bad night (960)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?

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  (203): If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom? http://tfl.nu/eshu
  Replies (12) Good night (1048) Bad night (846)
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  (818): View more from California

  My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club

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  (818): My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club http://tfl.nu/p6gc
  Replies (13) Good night (1138) Bad night (1217)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.

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  (216): Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me. http://tfl.nu/fau7
  Replies (3) Good night (1172) Bad night (328)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?

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  (218): Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young? http://tfl.nu/34pp
  Replies (17) Good night (1568) Bad night (425)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..

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  (573): Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you.. http://tfl.nu/j404
  Replies (3) Good night (493) Bad night (347)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.

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  (407): We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party. http://tfl.nu/zy10
  Replies (3) Good night (801) Bad night (281)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel

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  (401): Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel http://tfl.nu/tmc2
  Replies (1) Good night (599) Bad night (215)

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