trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
