my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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