i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
