just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i drank out of a bidet.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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