There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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