You can't motorboat a personality
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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