The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
