There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
