I wanna bring you to show and tell
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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