no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
