sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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