At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
