I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
