I want to have your abortion
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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