There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
