i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
