I am spending my child support on dildos
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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