Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He did a backflip because drugs
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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