I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i dont even know how to be here
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
