rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
