the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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