Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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