how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
