So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
