sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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