You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
