I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
