Please, let me fuck your mom
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
