bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Rumble strips road head = magical
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
