her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
