I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
