My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
