i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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